Vocaloid! Shorter and A Lot More Honest
by blacksand1
Summary: A little place where I make fun of stupid Vocaloid Plots. Chapter 19: Tear of Instant Sympathy
1. DATE RAPE!

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Cantarella_

**Kaito: **I love Miku Hatsune! I have ever since we were children! But even though all the signs obviously point to her having a thing for me as well, I don't think she likes me. Which is why I plan to date rape her~!

**Gakupo: **… Uhr, why don't you just ask her if she likes you too-

**Kaito: **DATE RAPE!!!

**THAT'S WHEN THINGS GOT OUT OF CON-TROL!!!**

**Miku: **(unconscious)

**Kaito: **Raping time~!

**Miku: **(gets up) NO RAPE TIME FOR YOU.

**Kaito: ** OH SHIZNIT!!! I'VE BEEN CAUGHT!!!

**Miku: **Because I love you~!

**Kaito: **Oh. Cool. ... Let's have sex~!

**Miku: **I am completely unperturbed by the fact you tried to date rape me, so alright~! (cue sexy time)

**Really, am I the only one who thought that plot was stupid? I might do more, Vocaloid isn't mine. **


	2. Teh Stabberz!

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Cendrillion_

**Mysterious Dude: **Hey, Miku, wanna learn how to kill people?

**Miku: **Sure! I've always wanted to know how to kill people!

***insert training montage here***

**Mysterious Dude: **Alright, for your first real test I want you to go to the ball and stab the prince. Here's a pretty dress to help you do it. Do it by curfew or I'm kicking your ass into the streets!

**Miku: **Okay whatever.

***and so she goes***

**Miku: **Oh noes! The prince is way too hot to stab!

**Kaito: **_DAMN that's one fine piece of ass! _Would you care to dance milady?

**Miku: **_And he's a gentleman too! _Of course your highness.

***romantic dancing ensues***

**Miku and Kaito: **Oh we are so in love~!

**Mysterious Dude: **GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND STAB THAT SUNUVABITCH MIKU!!

**Miku: **FINE JEEZ!!

**Kaito: **OMGWTFBBQ?!

***Kaito gets teh stabberz!!1!ONE!!1***

**Miku: **OH SHIZNIT I JUST STABBED MAH BOYFRIEND!!

**Kaito: **I am miraculously unharmed!

**Miku: **Yay~!

**Mysterious Dude: **Fuck this shit I'm outta here.

**Kaito: **Let us go off into the sunset from my house even though we could probably live great in my house~!

**Miku: **Love is a house enough for us~!

**Kaito: **Yeah sure whatever~!

**Mysterious Dude: **Stupid kids.

**Now this plot I didn't mind so much, but it still was kinda stupid. Vocaloid isn't mine, stay tuned for the plot I hate most of all~!**


	3. But dammit, we're Japanese!

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Story of Evil_

_ACT 1- Daughter Of Evil_

**Rin: **I'm a heinous bitch for no reason!

**Len: **And I'm her servant for no adequately explored reason.

**Meiko: **So? Do you want a cookie or something?

**Rin: **I'm also a princess (even though I should be called a queen since there's nobody else around), so I can be a bitch to _everyone _and they'll have to live with it! Tee-hee!

**Meiko: **SON OF A BITCH!!!

***and so Meiko is dragged away by guards* **

**Rin: **I love Kaito~!

**Kaito and Miku: **(lovelovelove)

**Rin: **HOLY FRAKKING SHIT IMMA BURN DOWN MIKU'S ENTIRE COUNTRY BECAUSE I'M JEALOUS!! LEN!! MAKE IT SO!!

***AND IT IS SO***

**Meiko: **I've fucking had it! That's it we're taking down that little bitch!

**Kaito: **Right on!

***STORMING THE CASTLE~***

**Rin: **Fine goddammit I'm here!

***Rin gets the axe~!***

**BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEEEEMS!!! **

_ACT 2-Servant of Evil_

**Len: **Once again, I will reiterate that I am Rin's servant for basically no reason, but we're also twins~! Who woulda thunk it?

**Rin: **Anyone with eyes.

**Len: **SHUDDUP.

**Rin: **Oh boy~! I'm actually shown to be a human in this PV~! Yaaay~!

**Len: **That is not gonna last long.

***ONE BEAUTIFUL AFTERNOON...* **

**Len: **Woah! I see hotness!

**Miku and Kaito: **(lovelovelove)

**Len: **Oh, she loves another guy. Oh well, I can live with that. Sure, it'll be painful, but I would never hurt her for it-

**Rin: **BITCH BURN DOWN HER COUNTRY RITENAO!!!

**Len: **BUT- BUT-

**Rin: **JUST DO IT MOTHAFUCKA!!

**Len: **If this were a western work I'd deny you, punch you in the gut then run away to be happy, but goddammit we're Japanese!

***BURN BABEH BURN***

**Rin: **BITCH PEOPLE ARE RIOTING AND TRYING TO TAKE DOWN MAH CASTLE!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT MOFO!!!

**Len: **Once again, in a western work I'd deny you and throw you to the wolves for making me kill my love interest, but dammit we're Japanese! We'll crossdress as each other and I'll die instead, even though you really really deserve it.

**Rin: **Sounds good to me~!

***crossdressing and execution ensue***

_ACT 3- Message of Regret_

**Rin: **Even though I've been nothing but bitchy towards my dead brother and everyone in the world I've ever met, I'm suddenly sorry for everything I've done! I'm going to send a message in a bottle out to sea because that's one of my childhood memories.

***with the bottle in a small town populated by animals...***

**Tom Nook: **What the fuck is this shit?!

_ACT 4- Re: Birthday_

**The Whole Cast of this Madness: **We are now reincarnated into a happy time because ending it with the last act would be too sad. THE KIDDIES WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT OH NOESES.

**The Authoress: **… You have to be fucking kidding me.

**And there you are. The Vocaloid Plot I hate most of all. I don't own Vocaloid, have a nice day. If I feel like it, I'll do more. **


	4. … Somehow…

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Alice Human Sacrifice_

**Dream: **Hmm, somehow being a dream I'm able to disappear and stuff. Well that just won't do! I think I'll put people in comas and potentially kill them just so I won't disappear, because that's the logical thing to do!

**Meiko: **AHAHAHAHAHA I'M PSYCHOTIC ALREADY!!!

**Dream: **She's first.

***Meiko goes on the most BADASS RAMPAGE OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION EVAR!!!! And she leaves a trail of blood or something, whatever***

**Dream: **You're far too awesome to keep being the pseudo-Alice of this story!

**Meiko: ***foams at the mouth*

***and so the psycho woman is locked up in the forest… somehow…***

**Dream: **Time to kidnap a new person~!

**Kaito: **Ohohohoho I'm so delightfully fruity~!

**Dream: **That wasn't a part of the plot, but he'll do anyways.

***Kaito sings the soundtrack of High School Musical all over the dreamland and makes everyone CRAZAY***

**Dream: **He has HORRIBLE taste in music! We must get rid of him!

**Meiko: **I'll snipe him for ya.

**Dream: **Sounds cool.

***Kaito gets teh shot'd!!1ONE!!1 And something about a rose is somewhere in there I dunno***

**Dream: **Okay, let's try this _AGAIN_.

**Miku: ***skips by all pretty-like with every living thing in the vicinity following her and being in love with her*

**Dream: **She'll do.

**Miku: **Awesome~! I've always wanted to take over a land and be a tyrant over it~! ... And in some videos a slut as well~! Good thing everyone and everything loves me~!

**Dream: **Wait WHAT?!

***Miku TAKES OVER THE WOOOOORLD!!!***

**Dream: **Fuck this shit I'm getting twins to kick her ass.

**Rin and Len: **Can't we just have tea under this tree and explore?

**Dream: **NO!!!

***Miku is defeated and those two become the new Alice(s)... Somehow...***

**Rin and Len: ***explore explore explore*

**Meiko: ***pops up behind them* OH YEEEEAAAAAH!!!!

**Rin and Len: **OH SHIZ-

***... Okay, not even I can figure out what happened after that***

**Dream: **… Y'know, maybe this wasn't such a hot idea.

**Seriously, find for me **_**one person **_**who completely understood that plot. I don't own Vocaloid, have a nice day.**


	5. You Gained One Heart!

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Kokoro_

**Rin: **Ich bin einen Roboter.

**Scientist: **Whoops! Forgot to set her language to Japanese/English. *sets the language right*

**Rin: **That's better. I am a robot and I am completely unfeeling.

**Scientist: **Even though that kills me inside for reasons you'll find out centuries from now, I'll still be all happy-like~!

**Rin: **Yeah sure cool.

**Scientist: **Be-tee-double-you, don't push that button over there 'kay?

**Rin: **Sure.

***Centuries from now...***

**Rin: **Hm, since my scientist dude is a skeleton, I think I'm gonna push that button now. He probably had absolutely no good reason for telling me not to push it.

***YOU PRESSED THE 'KOKORO' BUTTON! YOU HAVE GAINED ONE HEART! YOU HAVE GAINED ONE SET OF EMOTIONS! YOU HAVE GAINED ACCESS TO EXPOSITION FILES!***

**Rin: **OH-EHM-GEE!! It seems that my scientist dude actually made me as a replacement for his dead daughter/sister/girlfriend/father/dog! And because I had no emotions it killed him inside! OH NOES. I MUST SING TO REMEDY THIS.

***SING UNTIL YOUR HEART GIVES OUT!***

**Rin: **Oh shiznit, the emotions were too much! *dies*

**Kokoro~! It shoves sad and heartwarming bullshit down your throat until you shit out a melodramatic monstrosity whistling zippity-fucking-doo-dah!**

... Vocaloid isn't mine! *runs* Oh yeah, suggestions at this point would be nice.


	6. COOK THE NONBELIEVER!

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Conchita, the Epicurean Daughter of Evil_

(A/N: Something about that title seems much too familiar...)

**Meiko: **In no uncertain terms, I am a princess/noblewoman who eats everything and anything~! Including people! _Especially _people. Yet somehow I'm not a fat blob and am still hot.

**Gakupo: **I'm pretty sure that Hannibal is going to sue.

**Rin and Len: **COOK THE NONBELIEVER!!!

***Gakupo is served as a delightful entree~!***

**Kaito: **Hey miss 'Conchita', can I have some time off?

**Meiko: **That depends, what do you do around here again?

**Kaito: **I'm the chef-

**Meiko: **SLAVES!!! *snaps fingers*

**Rin and Len: **COOK THE NONBELIEVER!!!

***Kaito is made into a lovely side-dish! Although it's best that you add some pepper, it really brings out the unique flavor compositions***

**Meiko: **OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!!

**Len: **Now that I think about it, this is kind of creepy.

**Meiko: **... Riiiiin~?

**Rin: **COOK THE NONBELIEVER!!!

**Len: **OH SHIZNIT-!!!

***Len is served for desert with a garnish of lettuce~! And soon after almost everyone else is eaten too***

**Meiko: **Well shiz, looks like I'm stuck here on my lonesome with nobody to eat... Well, then again, there's myself. But do I really want to commit suicide in such a strange and basically impossible way? … Eh, why not?

***Meiko is eaten raw for lunch~! It's really the best way to serve it, cooking it is very difficult believe me***

**This one gave me very little to work with, but what it did give me to work with was pretty good X3 Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**


	7. ALL LIES

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_The Tailor Shop in Enobizaka_

_(A/N: Due to the video I saw this song with and the color connotations I have associated with the main Vocaloids, I made an inference that Luka's 'boyfriend' was Gakupo)_

**Luka: **I run this tailor shop here. I really love my boyfriend, but he's such a player! He never comes home…

**Neru: **… What boyfriend? You've never had a stable relationship in your life-

**Luka: ** *gives Neru the death glare*

**Neru: **Neeeever mind~! *scurries away in FEAR*

***One bright afternoon…***

**Meiko: **So, honey, what are you thinking of for dinner tonight?

**Gakupo: **Hm, well, grilled pork would be nice.

**Luka: **OH BEJEESUS THE WOMANIZER WOMANIZER, YOU'RE A WOMANIZER BABEH. Calm yourself Luka, you've gotta focus on work…

***Insert the jealous murder of a loving mother and wife here…***

**Detective: **Miss Luka, were you anywhere near the scene of Meiko Sakine's murder?

**Luka: **What? Of course not! I was working all night.

**Detective: **Ma'am, your kimono is one that the victim reportedly owned _and _you were seen stalking her obsessively just hours before the murder.

**Luka: **I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR QUESTIONS FOOLISH MORTAL. MY BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON ME AGAIN.

**Miku: **It'll be alright Dad, Mom wouldn't want you to be so sad about her passing.

**Gakupo: **Miku, you're such a good girl.

**Luka: **BITCH looks like it's time for some ACTION.

***Insert the jealous and misinformed murder of a sweet teenage girl here…***

**Detective: **Miss Luka, you _can't _deny that you were involved with this latest murder!

**Luka: **Where's your proof?! I was working all night and all day yesterday!

**Detective: **You're wearing Miku's sash and we have several witnesses that saw you leaving the scene of the crime!

**Luka: **I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALALALALA. OH LOOKY THERE HE'S CHEATING AGAIN!!

**Boyfriend: **Here, a hairpin for you sweetheart.

**Rin: **Daddy, when are mommy and Miku coming back?

**Gakupo: **Uhr…

**Luka: **OH GAWD YOU PEDO.

***Insert the jealous, misinformed and tragic murder of an innocent child here…* **

**Detective: **Miss Luka, you can't keep avoiding our questions! You were _definitely _involved in these last murders!!

**Luka: **Why do you keep hounding me like this?! I didn't do anything!

**Detective: **Your DNA was found on the corpse, you're wearing Rin's hairpin, her blood is covering half of it, your scissors are also covered in her blood, and witness accounts put you at the scene before and after the murder!!

**Luka: **ALL LIES. _ALL OF IT!!! _Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to see my boyfriend~!

**Detective: **Boys, stay on her trail…

***Some extensive stalking later…***

**Luka: **Hello, _lover~_

**Gakupo: **I'm not really in the mood for this, ma'am! If you didn't know, my wife and daughters were just murdered! Wait- why are you wearing my wife's kimono… and my older daughter's sash… and my younger daughter's _bloodstained hairpin?! _

**Luka: **GRAAAWW YOU LIE. THOSE WERE YOUR SMEX BIMBOS. DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND. WHAT IS YOUR DEEAAAL?!?

**Gakupo: **OH SHIZ-

***Insert the murder of a devoted, loving husband and father here…***

**Detective: **Miss Luka! You might as well stop denying it since _YOU'RE DRAGGING THE LATEST VICTIM AROUND!!!_

**Luka: **GOD can't you see I'm innocent?! I'm just walking with my boyfriend! Isn't that right sweetheart?!

**Gakupo's Corpse: ***rots*

**Detective: **Book 'er, boys!

**Luka: ***ish cuffed*

**Detective: **Looks like this tailor shop… *puts on sunglasses* is going _out of business. _

_***YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!***_

_**Well, I hoped you liked this one~! I couldn't think of any clever segues though, sorry. **_


	8. DAMN that's a huge ass tree!

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_The Purple Forest_

**Kaito: **Weeeeelp, as a generic traveler doomed for bad luck, I must go through this ambiguously purple forest.

**Strangely Racist Background Character: **Sir, nobody has ever come out of there alive!

**Kaito: ***a pair of awesome-tastic orange shades appear on his face* Who the hell do you think I am Strangely Racist Background Character!?

***Time to go foolishly exploring~!***

**Kaito: **Since when is mist purple seriously?

**Miku: **_NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DO~OWN NEVER GONNA RUN AROUND AND, DESERT YOU~_

**Kaito: **DAMN that kid's standing in front of a big ass tree!

**Miku: **_NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU CRY, NEVER GONNA SA~AY- _Wait, are you not paying attention to me and my awesome singing!?

**Kaito: **I don't think I've _ever _seen a tree that huge! Never in all of my generic, unimportant travels!

**Miku: **Hey! I'm supposed to be charming you with my amazing voice! Get with the program you generic bastard!

**Kaito: **By God… That tree might hold the answers to life, the universe and everything that every was and ever will be! I think I'm in love!

**Miku: ***throws an XBox 360 at Kaito's head* START PAYING ATTENTION TO ME RIGHT NOW GODDAMN YOU!!

**Kaito: **Sorry! Alright, let's start singing or something…

*****_**Romantic Duets Ensue~! **_**Or at least that's what I **_**think **_**they're doing…***

**Miku: **Here's my secret place~! It's got flowers, a lake, and a Starbucks with free Wi-Fi~! Let's stay here forever, just the two of us~!

**Kaito: **I dunno… I might want to go back and have another look at that tree-

**Miku: **FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING TREE!!!

**Kaito: **Fine goddammit!! Crazy bitch… Ah well, at least she's paying for all my caramel machiattos.

**Miku: **Hehehehe, little does the generic dumbass know that much like every emo kid this side of Seattle he won't be leaving that Starbucks any time soon. And he'll NEVER see his precious tree again! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

**Dream: ***pops out of Alice Human Sacrifice* Stealing people and whisking them away to a fantasy world?! THE BITCH IS STEALING MY GIG!!!

**XD This one was **_**fun. **_**You know that Kaito loved that large tree. That's why the narrator said anything about it. And Kaito is right, that tree holds the answers to everything that ever was and ever will be. WORSHIP THE TREE!!! **


	9. Oh My Stars for the Love of Liza!

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Demon and Daughter (A/n: Even though the PV I watched was titled the Ogre and the Maiden…)_

**Kaito: **HURM-ITY HURM-ITY HURM. I am a demon living out here in the woods. OH BEJEEBUS I'M SO LONELY.

**Miku: **Damn it I can't see anything with these bandages around my eyes! And now I'm lost in the woods with a broken foot! Dammit all!

***Miku found one demon house!***

**Miku: **Uhh, hello? Anyone there?

**Kaito: **What you doin' out here in the woods blind child? And what the hell happened to your foot?

**Miku: **_Oh mah gawd his voice… IT IS BEAUTIFUL. I LOVE HIM~!! _

**Kaito: **Hello? Blind girl?

**Miku: **Whoops! Sorry I tend to smile at people creepily when I fall in love with them.

**Kaito: **Uh-huuuuuh. Well I'm just gonna use the tips I got from three years of demon medical school to fix up your foot!

***Duct Tape Fixes Everything!***

**Miku: **… And then I found five dollars~!

**Kaito: **_Oh my stars for the love of Liza! I love this girl! … People around here tend to fall in love really easily. _

**Miku: **Well I've gotta get going before my mom gets murdered by the tailor-shop lady. Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!

**Kaito: **But- but- you can't! I'm A DEMON!!

**Miku: **Oh you're silly~ See you tomorrow!

**Kaito: **Uh…

***One Love Montage Later…***

**Angry Mob: **BITCH stay away from our women! We need them for spawning and cooking our food not for getting all humpy over ugly demons!

**Kaito: **But I look just like the rest of you-

**Angry Mob: **SHUDDUP. LEAVE OUR TOWN AND STOP SEDUCING OUR BLIND GIRLS.

**Kaito: **I've only been seducing one!

**Angry Mob: **JUST DO IT MOTHAFUCKA!!

***Kaito gets teh eviction'd!!1!ONE!!1***

**Kaito IN DISGUISE: **Miku, I have to leave the town because you live with a bunch of pricks.

**Miku: **No! Kaito! Don't go! Where will I go, what shall I do?!

**Kaito: ***puts on a fake mustache* Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. *strolls off*

**Miku: **I _was _gonna tell the asshole that I'm pregnant but FINE!!

***Unknown Amount of Time Later…* **

**Miku: **Somehow I've been given the ability to see! But I still miss my demon boyfriend.

**Kaito: **Hey there, baby.

**Miku: **Oh my stars for the love of Liza! I know that voice! You've come back for me my love~!

**Kaito: **Hellz yes I have baby~!

***AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER***

**This one was hard because I actually **_**liked **_**it, so… Yep. **


	10. Magical Reggae CDs

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_New Millennium_

**Len: **So… Why am I in an elevator? An elevator going _up _for that matter?

**Miku: **It's no different than how you lived your life!

**Len: **… How does that even have even a little bit to do with this?

**Miku: ***shrugs* I smoked a helluva lot of marijuana this morning so I'm pretty dazed right now. I wouldn't trust any advice I give you.

**Len: **… You work for the UN don't you?

**Miku: **How'd you guess?

**Len: **Call it reading ahead in the script.

***ELEVATOR GO STOP!!* **

**Len: **WAIT A SECOND I'm suddenly remembering being a child soldier. Just like Raiden! Wait a minute- Why am I remembering this right now?

**Miku: **It's humanity's sad nature.

**Len: **… You should NEVER be allowed to talk to people.

***Goooing up again!* **

**Len: **I'm freaking claustrophobic and afraid of heights! Why can't I get out of this thing!?

**Miku: **For one, you'd fall to the ground and die because we're a billion feet up. Second, that is basically what a person's life is.

**Len: **GREAT. I'M STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR A BILLION MILES FROM THE GROUND WITH SOMEONE WHO'S HIGHER THAN A FREAKING KITE!!! I WANNA GO HOME!!!

**Miku: **TOO BAD YOU'RE STUCK HERE. Hey, if you get high it'll be better.

**Len: **WAAAAAAAAAAH-

***Several floors and one Len reiterating Peewee Herman's drug PSA later…* **

**Len: **Aaannd now I'm seeing myself as a sexy adult with some rockin' glasses in a pretty modern city getting nuked. You know what, I think I might just take that weed of yours.

**Miku: **This is humanity's stupidity, and TOO BAD I SMOKED IT ALL WHILE YOU WERE FLASHING BACK.

**Len: **GODDAMMIT WHY CAN'T I GO HOME?!?! HOW DID I EVEN END UP HERE?!?! WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME HORRIBLE THINGS?!?!

**Miku: **It's no different than how you lived your life~!

**Len: **FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SAYING THAT!!!

**Miku: ***tears off her face to reveal it's Len 2* SURPRISE BITCH!!

**Len Original: **… You know what? I think I've been high this entire time.

**Len 2: **No, but I have been!

**Len Original: **I think I hate you. THAT'S IT I'M JUMPING OUT OF THIS POPSICLE STAND.

**Len 2: **No! If you do that, you'll create a time paradox! You'll change the future of the past's present!!

**Len Original: **FUCK THAT I'M GOING HOME!! *jumps out*

**Len 2: **NEXT TIME LEN KAGAMINE, NEXT TIIIIIME!!!!

***Len 2 and the Amazing Glass Elevator disappear into a pile of reggae CDs… AND LEN'S FREEEE, (doo doo doo) FREEEE FAAALLIN'!! (doo doo doo)***

**Len: **AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH- Say was that film roll of me losing my virginity? Hell yeah I'm gonna watch that as I fall down NO WAIT I MISSED IT!! AAAAAAHHHH- I see the light! Must go towards the light!

**Bob Marley: **DON'T GO TOWARDS DE LIGHT MON!!

**Len: **GO BACK TO YOUR BONG BOB MARLEY!!

***THE LIGHT!! IT BURRRRNS!!!* **

**Len: **… So, now I have the power to change history. That was trip-tastic ride but it was worth it! NOW, TO USE THESE REGGAE CDS TO TURN MY CHILDHOOD INTO A HAPPY ONE AND TURN THE NUKE THAT WAS ABOUT TO KILL ME INTO FLOWERS!!

***And the day is saved!* **

**Older Len: **Woah, that nuke just turned into a flower bomb! … I guess-

**Original Len: ***appears* I guess that- *puts on some sunglasses* is _real _flower power.

**The Who: **YEEAAAAH!!

**Older Len: **Dammit you stole my chance for a one liner!

**Original Len: **Listen, I want you to tell all your friends about me.

**Older Len: **What are you?!

**Original Len: **… I'm Batman! *flies away on his magical reggae CDs*

**Older Len: **… Huh, I never remember being such a weird hippie.

**Narrator: **BUT ALL IS NOT AS IT SEEMS!! JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR _UTOPIA_!! IT'LL BE TOTALLY GROOVY!!

**This series is giving me so much material already that I have to actually split it up, unlike what I did with the ****Story Of Evil****. See you on ****Utopia****! **


	11. EPIC SOUL TRANSFER OF GREAT JUSTICE!

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Utopia_

**Narrator: **Last time on the Millennium Series, Len changed the future and the past at the same time because of a trippy elevator ride with himself only higher, giving himself a happy childhood and turning the nuke about to hit him smack dab in the face into a flower bomb! BUT THAT DIDN'T DO SHIT, NOW THE WORLD'S ALL NUKED AND A SHITLOAD OF PEOPLE ARE DEAD!! And Len's not older anymore AND dating his sister!

**Len: **WHAT!?

**Narrator: **It's what you get for saving the world with reggae!

**Len: **Dammit!

**Narrator: **Now, since the world is basically filled with radiation that's gonna kill us all eventually, we're turning to our TOTALLY SOBER and EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT United Nations Leaders for a solution!

**Kaito: ***takes a hit from his bong* Man, I'm higher than a kite here man.

**Miku: ***smokes a joint* Ell-oh-ell man- dude, I think we're s'posed to figure out how to save everyone from the new-cue-lar radiation and stuff. Maybe we should get rid of the nukes and the radiation-

**Kaito: **TOO BORING!! Let's put people in robot bodies man! This is in the way ahead future, I'm pretty sure we can calibrate human souls into machines.

**Scientist from Kokoro: **I sure did!

**Miku: **Something about ethics!

**Narrator: **… The radiation might kill us before we can even make the robots, but alright!

***Let's get Funding from China!* **

**Rin: **We should totally get robot bodies! It'll be totally sweet and we'll be able to take digital pictures with our eyes!

**Len: **No, we can't! Our love will die because we'll become soulless robots!

**Rin: **Uh first of all that'd be an improvement because our relationship is dysfunctional and we're freaking RELATED, and second our souls would be in there so we wouldn't be soulless.

**Len: **SHUDDUP YOU I HATE LOGIC!!

***Mortal Domestic Abuse Kombaaat!* **

**Len: **Damn, where you hit me with the salami still hurts like a bitch!

**Rin: **If we got robot bodies it wouldn't.

**Len: **Good point. Let's do it.

**Rin: **You have absolutely no real beliefs of your own, do you?

**Len: **They're always changing, so yeah.

***Before the EPIC SOUL-TRANSFER OF GREAT JUSTIIIICE…* **

**Rin: **We'll still be lovers after this, right?

**Len: **Sure, I'll always love y-

**Doctor: **MORPHINE TIME!!

**Len: **But I need to say goodbye to my girlfriend/sister-

**Doctor: **SHUT UP MOTHAFUCKA.

***EPIC SOUL-TRANSFER OF GREAT JUSTIIIIIIICE!!***

**Rin: **Well, I'm pretty much done and I feel the same. How about you Len?

**Len: ***glares*

**Rin: **Uh, Len?

**Len: ***goes into Gears of War Mode* WHERE'S MY WIIIIIFE?!?!

**Rin: **Oh goddammit! Our emotions and crap really are gone!

**Len: **Okay who fucked up?

**Doctor: ***smokin' a joint* DEFINITELY not me man. I TOTALLY wasn't high durin' the procedumature.

**Len: **We're surrounded by stoners.

**Narrator: **Will our lovebirds defeat the bastards that fucked up their procedure because they were too high to do it right, or will the continuity fuck us over and change up again? Find out in _A Faint Wish_, next time on the Millennium Series!

**Spoiler: The Continuity Does Fuck Us Over. **


	12. Wanna Get HIIIIIIGH?

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_A Faint Wish_

**Narrator: **Last time on the Millennium Series, Rin and Len Kagamine turned into robots to save themselves from the radiation screwing over the planet! They were going to live a happy eternal life together, but a stoner doctor screwed them over and turned them into unfeeling terminators! But once again whoever made this series was all like 'FUCK THAT' and changed it up again! Now they're some of the last surviving humans because the UN got their hands on acid and wanted everyone to be a robot everywhere. So they sent terminators after everyone still normal.

**Len: **… I feel like I'm in the elevator again.

**Rin: **I don't know what you're talking about, but so do I.

**Len: **ANYWAYS. Time to SAVE OUR SPECIES because our dad said we had to LIVE ON. LET'S INFILTRATE THIS BUILDING.

**Rin: **I seriously hope there aren't more stoners in there.

***After some Metal Gear Solid-caliber stealth…* **

**Len: **Alright, we made it into the machine base!

**Rin: **When was it established that this was the machine base-

**Len: **RIGHT NOW.

**Rin: **I feel like we're in Terminator 4.

**Len: **DID TERMINATOR 4 HAVE A TRANSDIMENTIONAL-ORBITAL INTERFACE?!

**Rin: **What the hell is that?

**Len: **'Tis a machine that loads people who were above the vector of history. NOW WE MUST MAKE NEW HISTORY.

**Rin: **I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU MADE SENSE!!

**Len: **I have the sneaking suspicion that I might be Len 2…

***CUE MACHINES!* **

**Machines: **TIME FOR GENOCIDE!!

**Len: **WOAH I just had a total brain fart! And I started crying!

**Rin: **Focus and press that button thing!

**Len: **FINE BITCH.

**Rin: **NO!! THAT BUTTON SAYS KOKORO ON IT-

***AND THE FLOOD OF MEMORIES COMES FOOOORTH FROM THE OVERUSED PLOT DEVICE!!***

**Len: **… Dude.

**Rin: **… I have the sneaking suspicion that we might be holograms, seeing as we're fizzling around and stuff.

**Len: **I think we might be looking through reincarnations of ourselves!

**Rin: **Seeing as you turned into Marth from Fire Emblem for a second there, I really doubt it. Anyways… TIME FOR A BEAUTIFUL SPEECH ABOUT LOVE AND FAMILY!!

***One speech later…* **

**Rin: **And that's why you're the best big brother ever!

**Len: **Oh, sis, I-

**Rin: **YOINK!! *pushes Len through the device-thing*

**Len: **WHAT THE HELL SIS?!?!

**Rin: **Because you're awesome I'm gonna let you do all the remaking-history work while I do the easy thing and get killed.

**Len: **… I don't know whether to be worried or pissed off!

***Rin gets teh ripp'd apart'd!!1!1!one***

**Len: **NOOOOO!!!

**Rin: **Just go change history so I can be alive!

**Len: **Jeez, selfish much! You'd think that you were _dying _or something!

***So Len changes history AGAIN* **

**Len: **_This time the flower bomb had BETTER work! _… Wait a minute… All glass walls, sliding doors, buttons that make no sense, rolls of film falling from the sky?! IT CAN'T BE!!

**Miku AKA Len 2: **WANNA GET HIIIIIIGH?!?!

**Len: **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

**Len's reaction is an exact replica of my own when I finished this series~! IT'S GOING TO GO ON FOREVER IN CIRCLES AAAAAAAAHH- **


	13. DEFORMITY

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Dark Woods Circus_

**Rin/Len: **HEY child come see this circus! It's full of DEFORMITY!!

**Meiko: **Huh, an obviously creepy circus back in the woods being advertised to me by a pair of siamese twins? Sweet! Absolutely nothing bad can come from this!

**Strangely Racist Background Character: **Ma'am, nobody has ever come out of there alive.

**Meiko: **… Who the hell are you?

**RinLen: **DEFORMITY!!

**Meiko: **I get it you guys are a bunch of freaks-

**RinLen: **DEFORMITYYYYYYY!!

**Meiko: **… Any smart person would run after hearing you guys shout deformity a billion times, but it looks like I'm an idiot today!

***Get your fear of clowns ready!* **

**Meiko: **Whoa, this place is creepy-

**REALLY TALL Haku: **WELL HOWDY THERE PARTNER!!!

**REALLY TALL Neru: **I hope you have a GREAT TIME HERE MAN!!!

**Meiko: **Damn those are some big stilts! Can I try out the stilts?

**Haku: **Hehehehe, stilits.

**Neru: **You just THINK they're stilts, ehhehehehe!!

**Haku and Neru: **AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

**Meiko: **If you don't want me to catch on to the obviously evil nature of this circus you should try a little harder not to evil-laugh so much.

**Haku: **Yeah, we've scared off a ton of people that way…

***Laughing at Different People Is Fun!* **

**Meiko: **Time to look at the freak show! *peeks through a hole*

**RinLen: **This is really gender confusing here… DEFORMITY!!

**Meiko: **Ugh, creepy.

**Miku: **I'm really crazy deformed but I'm gonna sing anyway~! _Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you do~own-_

**Meiko: **I just got Miku-rolled!

**Kaito: **Uh… Apparently I like my human remains chilled? How am I supposed to eat in a straightjacket!?

**Miku: **BAAAAW I HATE BEING UGLY!! AND TURNING INTO FLOWERS.

**Len: **Me too, but we're stuck here so deal with it.

**Miku: ***pouts*

**Rin: **DEFORMITY!

**Len: **They get it!!

**Miku: **HELP ME CHILD OUT THEEEERE!!!

**Meiko: **Looks like it's time to GTFO-

**Huge Shadow Thing: **OH YEAAAAAH!!!

**Meiko: **Aaaww DAMMIT!!

***One rape later…* **

**Deformed! Meiko: **GO TO THE FUCKING CIRCUS!!

**Gakupo: **NO!!

**RinLen: **You suck at this Meiko DEFORMITY.

**Meiko: **Yeah, I'm not that good at entrepreneur stuff…

**This one was just about as weird as ****Alice Human Sacrifice****, though here I could hardly figure out what was going on…**


	14. WHAT'S GOING ON?

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Wide Knowledge of the Late, Madness_

**Miku: **Why am I being taken to the asylum while in a box?

**Asylum Worker: **Because boxes are fun~!

**Miku: **Huh. Cool.

***Best Asylum Since Gotham's!* **

**Miku: **Huh, looks like someone gets killed every night here. Last night it was Rin~!

**Len: **… I suddenly find myself alone in this cell. Let's just hope that no junkies come here like last time-

**Meiko: **TIME FOR MURDER~!!!

**Len: **I TAKE THAT BACK I WANT THE POTHEADS!!!

**Meiko: **TOO BAD YOU'RE GETTING THE CRAZIES!!

***Chainsaw Murder Number 1!* **

**Miku: **Hey hey is it my turn?

**Meiko: **Only one chainsaw murder per night kid!

**Miku: **Aaaww.

**Len: **CREEPY LEN IS CREEPY~!

**Miku: **LOL WUT.

***WHAT'S GOING ON??* **

**Kaito: **For some reason I am acting like a dog. *grabs Len's head and puts it in a pile*

**Miku: **I guess that's what we get for not watching a version with subtitles... Well, time to wait for my turn~!

***WHAT, DOES MIKU HANG HERSELF WHILE YELLING THE WORD 'I' OVER AND OVER AGAIN??* **

**Miku: **Agh, this hangover's killing me-

**RinLen: **DE-MOTHER_FUCKING_-FORMITY!!!

**Kaito: **Really, what am I supposed to be again?

**Miku: **… No FUCKING way.

**REALLY, WHAT THE **_**HELL **_**WAS GOING ON?!?! AND NOW THEY'RE IN DARK WOODS CIRCUS?!?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?!?!?!**


	15. Go Fuck Yourself

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Go Google It_

**Gakupo: **Hi there Luka! I'm a normal, nice-ish guy who just wants to go out on a date with you. I'll treat you right and be nice to you and make you feel loved and special every day!

**Luka: **What?! That's the worst thing a human could possibly do! I MUST TREAT YOU LIKE SHIT AND NEARLY KILL YOU WITH ABUSE THE AUDIENCE WILL CONSIDER FUNNY WHILE BLUSHING IN A WAY THAT MAKES ME LOOK "MOE".

**Gakupo: **… I fell in love with a tsundere, didn't I?

***You Sure Did***

**Gakupo: **So, what's your email?

**Luka: **Go fuck yourself.

**Gakupo: **Your address?

**Luka: **Go fuck yourself.

**Gakupo: **What do you like?

**Luka: **GO. FUCK. YOUR-SELF.

**Gakupo: **I'm pretty sure you're supposed to say 'Go Google It'… That _is _the title of the song, y'know.

**Luka: **Go fuck yourself.

**Gakupo: **Can you say anything else but that?

**Luka: **Go fuck yourself.

**Gakupo: **Do you like me or hate me?!

**Luka: **… I can't say that.

**Gakupo: **GODDAMMIT!! You are _so _lucky that whoever made this song has a thing for tsunderes or else I'd be out of here the minute you punched me.

**Luka: **Tsundere-PAWNCH!! *punches Gakupo in the stomach*

**Gakupo: **OH GOD MY ORGANS- *is rushed to the hospital for massive internal damage*

***In Tsundere-land* **

**Luka: **I'm not sure, Asuka, the whole 'treat the guy like crap to disguise the fact you like him' plan doesn't seem to actually work… Maybe I should try acting mature and actually give him a fighting chance?

**Asuka: **No! Luka, you can't give in to maturity and acting like a normal person! We'll lose our moe-appeal, and with it our fanboys! They give us strength, Luka, we can't lose our strength!

**Luka: **Uh… sure.

***After a few weeks of painful physical therapy* **

**Gakupo: **Since that punch of yours gave me brain-damage, I'm still going to go after you Luka! I think you're cute, you have a great singing voice, and I think that you really could like me if you tried.

**Luka: **(gasp) How _dare _you compliment me in ways that make me feel beautiful and special! I must use the weapon passed down the tsundere line and given to us by Linkara himself!

**Gakupo: **OH GOD-

**Luka: **_I AM A __**MAN**__!!! _*punches Gakupo in the stomach, causing his organs to rupture and explode*

**Gakupo: **JEEBUS EFFIN' CRISPIES WOMAN AAAAAAAA- *is rushed to the hospital again*

***After several weeks of reconstructive surgery and more physical AND PSYCHOLOGICAL therapy***

**Gakupo: **So, what are your sizes?

**Luka: **Go fuck yourself.

**Gakupo: **What color are your panties?

**Luka: **That's disgusting, go fuck yourself.

**Gakupo: **I'm just going along with Japanese cultural things like you!

**Luka: **Go fuck yourself anyways.

**Gakupo: **Y'know seeing as you putting me in the hospital twice hasn't put me off yet you're probably never gonna get rid of me… oh wait, that's not the line. I mean- I'll always like you.

**Luka: **W-what's that?!

**Gakupo: **Dunno what that's supposed to mean but- I'll always love you.

**Luka: **Uh- Uhm- shut up!

**Gakupo: **Just sayin' how I feel baby!

**Luka: **I know that…

**Gakupo: **Then why don't you give me a chance?!

**Luka: **BECAUSE THE SCRIPT WON'T LET ME!!

***BREAK OUT THE DISNEY SONGS!!***

**Luka: **_No chance, no way, I won't say it no no~_

**Miku, Meiko, Rin and Megurine: **_You swoon, you sigh, why deny it oh-oh~?_

**Luka: **_It's too, cliche, I won't say I'm in loooove~_

**Miku Meiko Rin and Megurine: **_Chika, Chika, oooooh~_

***And now that that's over…***

**Luka: **That's it, I won't let the script or the law of tsunderes rule me any more! *throws the script in the paper shredder* Let's make Gakupo an eggplant-salad-thing! *starts makin' a salad*

**Gakupo: **My eggplant senses are tingling!

**Luka: **Oh, hi Gakupo! Listen, I've outgrown all that tsundere stuff and I'm pretty sure I like you! I made you an eggplant salad-thing too.

**Gakupo: **Seriously?

**Luka: **Yep!

**Gakupo: **Sweet! But, do you even know how to make a salad-thing?

**Luka: **… I think I may need to Google it.

**Gakupo: **No, no, Google isn't what we need! We need _WIKIPEDIA!! _

***The page on how to prepare a salad had been replaced with the word 'poop', but the salad still came out alright***

**Yeah, as you can tell I just can't stand tsunderes or moe in general. They annoy the crap out of me. I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion or Hercules either, those were just references. Reviews are appreciated! **


	16. What do you think this is, an anime?

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_World Is Mine_

**Miku: **ASDF KAITO NOW THAT WE'RE DATING YOU GOTTA DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO 'CAUSE I'M THE NUMBER ONE PRINCESS IN THE WORLD!

**Kaito: **Whatevs, as long as I get some.

***You Have No Idea What You're Getting Into, Kaito***

**Miku: **Hey Kaito, notice anything about my hair~?

**Kaito: **Uh, yeah, you got a haircut?

**Miku: **ASDF WTF IS YOUR DEAL YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE SECOND I GOT MY HAIR CUT YOU IDIOT WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND?

**Kaito: **… So I can get to second base, right?

**Miku: **HIGH-MAINTAINENCE-_PAWNCH_! *punches Kaito in the stomach, rupturing organs*

**Kaito: **OH GAWD I THOUGHT THIS ONLY HAPPENED TO GAKUPO-

***Kaito is teh hospitalize'd!11!1!ONE11!***

**Miku: **Hey, Kaito, like my shoes~?

**Kaito: **Huh? Oh yeah, they're new, aren't they?

**Miku: **FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF KAITO GODDAMMIT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO NOTICE THIS AND COMPLIMENT ME _BEFORE I EVEN GOT THE SHOES_ WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BAD BOYFRIEND SHAPE UP OR I'LL TELL PEOPLE YOU'VE BEEN ABUSING ME.

**Kaito: **… *stares at her thighs*

**Miku: **BITCHY GIRL PAWNCH! *punches Kaito in the stomach again*

**Kaito: **ASDF IF I WEREN'T TRYING TO GET INTO THAT TINY SKIRT OF YOURS-

***Another Trip to the Hospital Later…***

**Miku: **It's a nice day, huh?

**Kaito: **Oh yeah, it totally is-

**Miku: **KAAAAIIIIITTOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE FRAK YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO RESPOND WITH THREE WORDS WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM BTW HOLD MY HAND AND DON'T KEEP ME WAITING.

**Kaito: **… CAN I BREAK UP WITH HER?

**Kaito's Libido: **Stay strong man, you can score with this chick. After that, drop her and run!

**Miku: **Okay, I want to eat some sweets. Where should we go?

**Kaito: **Now?

**Miku: **OF COURSE NOW ASDF.

***Some Sweets and More Demanding Later…***

**Kaito: **Oi, woman, I've had just about enough of your complaining!

**Miku: **What~? I never complain~!

**Kaito: **GOD-FUCKING-DAMMIT…

**Miku: **O HAY, GET ME A WHITE HORSE BITCH.

**Kaito: **Will kneeling down and calling you a princess be enough?

**Miku: **OH KAITO, THAT'S SO ROMANTIC. *spazzes*

**Kaito: **… CAN I BREAK UP WITH HER?

**Kaito's Libido: **You can do it!

**Kaito: **_Okay, just think over and over, 'boobs'. _

***More of Miku Nagging like a Bitchy White Girl Later…***

**Miku: **O HAI STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE AND SOME PUDDING *om nom nom's*

**Kaito: **Heh heh, you're being a pig~

**Miku: **… *raeg faec*

**Kaito: **Oh crap-

**Miku: **ASDF KAITO WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM I'M NOT GREEDY I'LL HOLD BACK THEN YOU'LL REGRET IT FFFFFFFFFF-

**Kaito: **That's it. Hitting that is _not _worth having to put up with this bullshit. I'm out of here. *starts walking away*

**Miku: **WAIT WAIT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STAY AND LIKE MY BITCHY-NESS BECAUSE I CAN OCCASIONALLY BE CUTE AND SWEET!

**Kaito: **What do you think we're in, an anime? I'm not putting up with that for _occasional cuteness_.

**Miku: ***sad faic*

***AND EVERYONE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER (trollface)***

**I. **_**Hate**_**. World Is Mine. It's the story of an insanely high-maintenance girl and her affable/stalker boyfriend. Sometimes Japan kind of annoys me…**


	17. I Approve of the Chair Channel

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Just Be Friends_

_Today, the part of Luka's ex-boyfriend will be played by New Dante from the next Devil May Cry game. I mean, seriously, look at the two of them side by side; one of them is just much dirtier than the other._

**New Dante: **So, uh, why are we sitting on this couch randomly watching a TV that's showing chairs at different angles in a plain white room?

**Luka: **It's symbolic.

**New Dante: **… How?

**Luka: **Go google it.

**New Dante: **Hmm, maybe what happened early morning yesterday will clear this up…

***EARLY MORNING YESTERDAY…***

**New Dante: **How did you manage to break that bowl, Luka?

**Luka: **I tripped over our red string of fate and it just kind of happened! DON'T BEAT ME!

**New Dante: **But I don't hit you…

**Luka: **Yeah, the authoress just felt like making a two-bit joke about domestic abuse because she's a horrible horrible person.

**New Dante: **Anyway… Apparently I'm surprised by the fact that I cut my finger on glass! MAH BLOODDDDDD-

**Luka: ***slaps*

**New Dante: **… Baby, we need to talk.

**Luka: **Okay-

**New Dante: **I THINK WE SHOULD BREAK UP!

**Luka: **WHY ARE YOU YELLING?

**New Dante: **BECAUSE THE LYRICS SAY SO AAAAAAAA-

***BACK IN THE PRESENT***

**New Dante: **No matter what we do, life is just like that… *starts crying*

**Luka: **What's wrong?

**New Dante: **I JUST SAW MY REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR OH GOD THE FANS ARE GOING TO HATE ME.

**Luka: **Uh… There there?

**New Dante: **YOU CANNOT COMFORT ME WOMAN. WE MUST HAVE ANOTHER FLASHBAAACCCK.

***YESTERDAY, ON A TRANQUIL NIGHT…***

**New Dante: **Look at all these paper airplanes I made Luka~!

**Luka: **I'M TOO BUSY SULKING.

**New Dante: **Yeah I think we need to break up.

**Luka: **What? WHY?

**New Dante: **The lyrics seem to imply that I'm leaving you because I'm bored with our relationship.

**Luka: **… You've got to be fucking kidding me.

**New Dante: **I don't think I am.

**Luka: **FFFFUUUUUUUUU- *flips the paper airplane chair*

**New Dante: **WOMAN I WORKED SO HARD ON THOSE AND NOW THEY'RE ALL OVER THE FLOOR. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO?

***IN THE PRESENT***

**New Dante: **I'm really quite enjoying the chair-channel.

**Luka: **JUST BECAUSE OF THAT, I'M CHANGING THIS TO THE HEARTWARMING MEMORIES OF OUR RELATIONSHIP CHANNEL.

**New Dante: **WAIT, NOOOO-

***Cue adorable shots of them fluffing, listening to music, New Dante giving Luka a promise ring, the two of them fighting demons, etc***

**New Dante: **ASDF WHAT HAVE I DONE BABY COME BA-

**Luka: **LUKA, AWAAAAYYY! *flies out the window*

**New Dante: **… Holy shit.

**Piece of advice, readers: Don't break up with your girlfriend because you're BORED with the relationship. That's just immature.**


	18. Stone Cold Pimp Daddy

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Duke Venomania's Madness_

**Luka: **Before we start, why is everything purple?

**Gakupo: **Because purple is a _manly _color~

**Luka: **Huh… Anyways, why am I here?

**Gakupo: **To become part of my harem, because I'm a _stone cold pimp daddy._

**Luka: **Oh my God, I don't care that you paint your fingernails! You're so smooth, take me now!

**Miku: **Me too~!

**Gakupo: **AAAAAWWWWW YYEEEAAAAHHHHHHH.

***In the words of Marvin Gaye, let's get it on~***

**Gakupo: **Isn't this great? I used to be someone that nearly _everyone _made fun of and hated nigh universally, but now I'm a stone cold pimp daddy~!

**Meiko: **Oh Gakupo, you're so smooth~

**Gakupo: **Hell yeah I am *smugface*

**Gumi: **Oh, hey there Gakupo, my childhood friend who I used to look down on~!

**Gakupo: **… Guess what, Gumi?

**Gumi: **Uh, what?

**Gakupo: **I'm going to _screw you into submission_.

**Gumi: **OH SHI-

***Time for some sexual healing~***

**Totally Not Kaito: **Hey there, Duke Venomania~! Can I be a part of your harem?

**Gakupo: **Hmmm, you look like a pre-op transvestite, but what the hell? This stone cold pimp doesn't discriminate~ *hugs*

**badass!Kaito: ***rips wig off* GOTCHA BITCH

**Gakupo: **Ohhhhh _shit_.

***For once, Kaito is the one delivering TEH STABBERZ!1!ONE!11!***

**Gakupo: **OH GOD, I'M BLEEDING GRAPE JUICE!

**badass!Kaito: **Ladies, you're all free now.

**Ladies: **Freedom~! *they run off into the sunset*

**Gakupo: **NOOOOOOO! GUMI, I NEED TO ARBITRARILY CONFESS MY LOVE TO YOU!

**Gumi: **Fuck you, man! I'm going with Kaito~*insert heart here*

**Gakupo: ***sadfais*

**badass!Kaito: **Let's go, darlings~

***And so, all of Gakupo's whores piled into Kaito's party bus, and Kaito lead them to a new life while continuing to be a badass… In a dress***

**This song made me laugh so damn hard. And I think you can see why. **


	19. Tear of Instant Sympathy

**Vocaloid isn't mine, I can't even sing!**

**VOCALOID! ****Shorter and a Lot More Honest**

**THIS WEEK: **_Spice!_

**Len's Phone: **NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN-

**Len: **JESUS CHRIST IT'S FOUR IN THE MORNING WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?

**Luka: **Because I need to jealously accuse you of sleeping around. SO, did you have _fun _last night?

**Len: ***looks over to a very naked Meiko* Dude what should I tell her?

**Meiko: **Say 'no, because I wasn't with you'. Girls love that kind of shit.

**Len: **Thanks bitch. Of course not, Luka, because I wasn't with you~

**Luka: **Omai~ *blushes*

**Len: **Now, Meiko, where were we?

**Meiko: **I do believe we were having sex.

**Len: **Indeed we were~! Are you prepared for my SPICY penis?

**Meiko: **You should probably have that looked at, but yeah~!

***suddenly, intercourse***

**Len: **And now I'm at school~!

**Rin: ***skips by all oblivious*

**Len: ***pines for his sister, and that's really gross*

***to the library, because it stocks Playboys~!***

**Len: **I could've sworn on the grave of my hipster glasses there was a copy of the Kama Sutra in this aisle…

**Miku: **Hey, Len, I ruv you! We should have sex.

**Len: **Alright, let's just go back to my place and-

**Miku: **NO. LET'S DO IT _RIGHT HERE_.

**Len: **Damn, you're kinky. You're JUST the kind of person who'll enjoy my spicy penis~!

***cunnilingus ensues***

**Len: **Ugh, you taste all sweet and sour and stuff!

**Miku: **It's vagina, what did you expect it to taste like?

**Len: **Miss Hatsune, I have more experience with vaginas than most boys my age, and let me tell you that you do _not _taste normal.

**Miku: **Says the guy with the spicy penis.

**Len: **… Touche, Miku. Touche.

***why do twenty percent of the Vocaloid songs I come across have to do with sex? Also, childhood memories and Len eating a tie***

**Len: **Hm, I wonder what's out this window?

**Rin: **O hai Kaito~!

**Kaito: **O hai Rin, get into my car so we can go somewhere and have _sex_~!

**Rin: **Only if you keep your incredibly dapper suit on~!

**Kaito and Rin: ***kissing ensues*

**Len: **LE GASP. THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIX THIS PROBLEM.

***because Japanese school students have oddly lenient access to the roof…***

**Rin: **Why am I still at school when the sun's setting?

**Len: **RIN, LOOK AT ME.

**Rin: **Hey Len, my brother who I'd never have sex with because that's really fucking gross~! What's up?

**Len: **ACCEPT MY SPICY PENIS, WOMAN! *tackles*

**Rin: **Damn it Len, what did I _just say?_

**Len: **BUT BUT BUT *tear of instant sympathy*

**Rin: **Oh, c'mere you~! *hugs*

**Len: **THIS IS GLORIOUS~!

**Rin: **… *trollface*

**I have one thing to say… Incest is fucking gross.**


End file.
